The Adventures of Legolas and Gimli
by summer11
Summary: Everyone's favorite hero and his trusty sidekick! Warning! spoilers for rotk!
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Yes, I fixed the formatting and I hope it's easier to read  
  
Disclaimer: No, I do not own anything, have, or ever will. But can't I just hold Legolas's hand? That's not a crime is it? (Newline Production guy shakes his head.) Ok. ok. touch him? Pleeeease? (Newline glares evilly.) All right, all right, I'll be good. .  
  
A/N: Gimli is Legolas's sidekick, not the other way around! ???????????????????????????????????????????????  
  
Legolas sighed as he gazed out across the parapet. The city of Gondor stretched out before him like a vast map lit by a golden sunrise. The people of Gondor looked like ants as they scurried around rebuilding their fair city. It had been 2 months since the crowning of Aragorn, the Dunadan, and Legolas had become impatient with the indoors. "Where's Gimli when you need him?" he muttered.  
  
He turned away disgusted and headed back down the ladder. Most likely has his head in an ale barrel again. There was no doubt that dwarves liked their ale, and wine when they could get it, but Gimli took it to the extremes. It's a wonder he stayed sober all through the past few months.  
  
Unfortunately, he and Gimli were supposed to have left 3 days ago for the Fangorn. The last time he'd asked him, Gimli had holed himself up with the hobbits in the king's aleroom. He's probably there now. Legolas sighed again. I'd better go rescue the hobbits.  
  
???????????????????????????????????????????????  
  
" .I'm singing in the rain, I'm siiiiinnnging in the raaaaain! What a gloriiiiiuuus feeling! I'm haaaaaaaaappy a--" SMACK!!  
  
Gimli looked up sullenly, rubbing his cheek. "Now whadga go'n do that for? " he slurred.  
  
"Because you were frightening all the hobbits," Legolas replied. "Now sober up and saddle up, I want to be gone by noonday." (A/N Does Legolas sound really pissed off to you?)  
  
" But whatfo'? I'm not goin' anywhere?" Legolas threw up his hands. "We were supposed to have left for the mighty Fangorn 3 days ago! Do you even remember the pact we made? I agreed, for some reason, to go with you into those cursed caves the Helm, when you agreed to walk the sacred, holy, glorious, fragrant, gorgeous paths of the oldest, wisest, most mysterious forest in Middle-Earth!"  
  
Legolas stopped ranting for a moment, and gave Gimli a calculating glance. "You, my dear friend, wouldn't possibly be afraid would you, Master Gimli? The Dwarf immediately roused himself. " NO dwarf is EVER afraid! NEVER! Of ANYTHING!" he bellowed.  
  
"There are some normal people trying to sleep at this hour. I strongly suggest that you not try to wake up everyone in the city, Aragorn might call the guard down upon you," his friend pointed out.  
  
Gimli winced as he got to his feet. "M'bloody head," he groaned. Legolas glared at him without any sympathy.  
  
"In 3 days you have managed to drain two ale barrels and 4 bottles of Aragorn's best wine, by yourself. Have you given one thought to packing? We were supposed to be halfway there by now!"  
  
"I know, I know," Gimli growled. "Just give me a coupla hours, 'n I'll be ready." Legolas just shook his head. "You had better, or we will skip going back to Lothlorien." Gimli looked shocked.  
  
" That, my friend, was a low blow."  
  
" I'm not the one with a single elven hair coiled in a pouch by his heart"  
  
" And, that was below th' belt! If ye weren't a friend, I'd have strung ye up by yer own pretty locks"  
  
" And if you're not ready, I'll string you up by your beard!"  
  
Gimli looked stunned. "Ye would not dare!"  
  
" I would too, and you should know it!" "Seems like dwarves are not the only ones known for their bad temper," the dwarf mumbled to himself, forgetting momentarily the keenness of elves hearing. Legolas spun around. "What did you say, master dwarf?"  
  
"I said, Jus' give me a moment, an' I'll be ready to go."  
  
"Good." Legolas tossed his head and stormed out. ??????????????????????????????????????????????? 


	2. Departure?

Sorry it took so long! This was obviously started months ago and I hadn't had much time to work on it! Thank you to moony for reviewing, it seems that you were the only one to. *humph!* Also, having time to re-read ROTK, I realize that this was not exactly the way it happened, but if you complain I will use the flames to fan the fire of my creativity.  
  
WARNING: A review-starved author is a dangerous thing.. I may start writing the random crap that goes through my mind. *shudder* You really don't want that.  
  
Author's Note: I saw the midnight showing of Two Towers! Very cool!  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned anything I would not be sitting at my computer, I would be sitting on Legolas's lap. (He's cuter than Orlando!)  
  
Chapter 2  
  
In which our heroes depart in hopes of reaching the edge of the city before nightfall.  
  
"Just grip him with your knees and use the reins, Gimli" Legolas replied patiently, and rather amusedly from atop his own stallion.  
  
Gimli looked dubiously at the reins and tried to get his stubby legs around the horse. Wincing at the pain this action caused, he tried to forget the fact that he had already fallen from this stupid beast a number of times. Not that he would ever admit that he had been doing anything other than practicing his dismounts. As they started off, Gimli became even more nervous.  
  
" Isn't there any other way to get back to Helm's Deep without going through the Fangorn?" he inquired, squeezing his eyes shut to help regain his balance.  
  
"If I have to go see your caves then you can put up with a few trees," Legolas responded. "Plus it will an educational experience where you might actually learn to like them."  
  
"What about the caves? D'ya think that I'll let you get out of appreciatin' my caves?"  
  
"Hardly, but you forget that I've lived in them myself, therefore I have less need to see your caves than you to see the illustrious Fangorn." (A/N: Legolas has a thing for this forest)  
  
Gimli stared at him for a moment, completely confused by the elf's logic, and finally sputtered out a retort. "I'll bet the forest has already gone back to its home an' yer making us go through."  
  
"My friend, do you honestly believe that I could coerce you to do anything?" Legolas asked innocently, knowing perfectly that he just did.  
  
Gimli glared at him and growled. "The faster we're through th' bloody forest, the less likely I'll ring your neck!"  
  
Legolas smirked. "Assuming you could reach it."  
  
"A dwarf does not need to be tall, and all th' extra energy can be put ta better use."  
  
Legolas glanced over at Gimli's midsection. " No, dwarves seem to expand in other directions"  
  
"Speakin' of carryin' extra weight around, I'm not the one with an extra saddlebag full of love letters, and by the way aren't you betrothed?" Gimli countered maliciously. Legolas's face turned bright red. The dwarf leaned over and pointed to a small slip of pink parchament that was sticking out and read the name. "Who is Clairisse anyway?"  
  
Legolas stuffed it back into his bag. "She is just another grateful woman from Gondor that I helped in the last battle," he said carefully.  
  
"Are ye sure she's not personally grateful?"  
  
Legolas turned a delightful shade of vibrant autumn red and started stammering. "I . I don't know what you're talking about! I never even met her!" He took a deep breath. "I know what you're doing and I'm not falling for it." Gimli snorted.  
  
They took the main street through the town, and watched, as the town slowly seemed to be putting itself back together. As they approached the gates, Gimli spied a small crowd waiting for them. He leaned over and whispered to Legolas, "They wouldn't be any more of yer followers hopin' for a goodbye kiss, would they?"  
  
Legolas who was exasperated by this point replied with a simple "no" and picked out a likely fellow to explain just what in the Halls of Mithras was going on.  
  
"You there! What exactly in the Halls of Mithras is going on? Let us pass!"  
  
The very likely fellow turned around, rather disgruntled at being bumped, and staggered back when he realized who it was that bumped into him.  
  
" Ah. ummm, I was told that the king was to see you off," the fellow stuttered. "His messenger said ye wasn't to depart before he came down." Turning red, the fellow ran off.  
  
Legolas was fit to be tied. He turned in his saddle and pointed angrily at Gimli. "If you had been ready, like you said would be, we could have avoided this entire Eru - forsaken mess!"  
  
Gimli looked insolent. "And I suppose ye think that Lord Aragorn would have just let ye trot out his door without so much as a good bye? He would have dragged ye back by the tips of yer pointed ears and made you give a formal speech to the people sayin' what a pleasure t'was teh save their sorry souls, and afterwards have an entire champagne reception for all th' people to say their fond farewells!" He grinned sideways at the elf.  
  
"Or was that exactly what ye intended?"  
  
Fortunately, Gimli was saved from the blistering retort that was about to engulf him, judging by the shade of his friend's face, for King Aragorn had ridden up on his noble steed.  
  
"My dear friends," he began, "I was on my way to your rooms, when a stableman came rushing in, nearly overcome in his haste, to inform me that you had already taken your leave of my most auspicious company, and furthermore, were halfway out of the city. Naturally, I did the most scandalous thing I could think of. Why not ride out and send you off with a smile? The people would enjoy it greatly, I thought." He smiled grimly and thought, *That's not how Arwen saw it, but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her*  
  
"And a what a lovely send off it is," Legolas cut in smoothly, " But if you don't mind, we really must be going now."  
  
Gimli stepped in. "But th' king has yet to give us our parting gifts," he eyed a bottle sticking out from the top of Aragorn's saddlebags, " and we cert'nly wouldn't want ta waste the fine wine he brought with, now would we?"  
  
Legolas gave up. "Fine! FINE!! We'll drink the wine and say our good- byes, but you have exactly half-an-hour to do so! At which time we will leave and we will not even think of coming back for anything for any reason until we have done what we have set out to do!"  
  
During his rant, Gimli leaned over to Aragorn. "Tis' a shame he gets high and mighty when he's flustered, it makes it too easy to confuse him."  
  
Aragorn hid a smile and announced loudly, "Then drink we shall have, my dear friends, and a very fond farewell!"  
  
After Gimli had regained what little composure he could muster after drinking at least half of what Aaragorn had brought, (Legolas had looked at the bottle disdainfully before taking a small sip), he remounted.  
  
Legolas, who still looked quite sour at leaving at nearly two hours past midday, mounted as well by placing his hands on the back of his horse and lifting himself up. *Show off,* Gimli thought acidly.  
  
As the two rode out of Gondor, Aragorn smiled mischievously. What Legolas didn't know was that he had spiced the wine, and "messed" with his lembas as well.  
  
Poor Gimli, he was in for one hell of a ride.  
  
~*~ Tee hee! I couldn't resist! But it gives me more fun to write about in the next chapter! Read moonygirl 13's stories! They're HP and Lotr + they're funny! Please r&r or I might suffer a mental breakdown and my muse will have to take over writing for me! 


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